How to negotiate & compromise

Session 1: Engaged James in a discussion about the advantages of learning to compromise. Explained that when two people compromise, they both get some of what they want, but usually have to give up something they wanted as well. Although neither person will get exactly they wanted in the first place, the goal is to reach a solution that is acceptable to both. Explained to James that in order to negotiate, both he and the other person need to clearly state what they want to get out of the interaction. Once all the ideal outcomes have been described, they each need to review the other person's wants, and from there decide on a compromise. I told James that next week, I would take him through the process of negotiating.

Session 2: Last week I explained the value of compromising to James and gave him a brief overview of the process of negotiating. Today I taught him how to do it. First, he should explain the issue from his point of view in a brief, respectful manner. Second, after he has finished saying everything he wants to say, he needs to listen quietly and considerately to the other person’s viewpoint. Advised him to pay close attention. Third, when the other person is finished speaking, he should restate their opinion to them as he understands it. This shows he was listening and helps clarify any points either of them may have misunderstood. Fourth, after he and the other person have voiced their viewpoints, they need to brainstorm to come up with potential compromises. Finally, they need to agree on one compromise that works for both of them. Cautioned James that if he or the other person feels taken advantage of, or feels they had to give in just to keep the peace, they will not have reached a true compromise and feelings of anger and resentment may result. For this reason, he should be careful not to terminate the negotiation process prematurely and make sure the compromise they agree on is truly acceptable to the other person as well as himself.

Session 3: Reviewed the material we covered last week to be sure James understands how the negotiation and compromise process works. Answered questions he had. Then asked James to describe some scenarios that specifically related to himself and his life. Role‐played negotiating a compromise in each of them. I led the first role‐play scenario and suggested compromises, then we reversed roles after successfully completing the first one. Had James try suggesting compromises for the remaining scenarios and offered ideas when he ran out of them. Reviewed things he did well and offered suggestions on things he might be able to improve on. Stressed the importance of focusing his attention on the other person when they were explaining what they wanted, and not allowing himself to become distracted by thinking about what his response would be. I pointed out that often, disagreements are less about the practical facts than they are about one or both people feeling they aren't being given the attention or respect they deserve. Asked James to repeat this back to me to be sure he understood it. Praised him for successfully participating in each role‐play scenario. Asked him to practice these skills so we can discuss his experiences in future sessions.